to utter or not to utter..that is the question


Recently I came to notice that one of my friends have been randomly posting some melancholy stuff..I was quietly observing and then, one day came this..”One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.”  So, I told her, utter it anyway, off your chest for all times…for goodness sakes!!

Well, we thought we’d meet up..good excuse for drinks?  Perhaps, or, talk a little on to utter or not to utter..

As i suspected, it was a pretty severe case of pent-up emotions (..constant…craving..) for an object of desire who is behaving uncomfortably erratic?  You know, the type that is not very clear, like you, hate you, want more, want less, caring…aloof, just a be more than a friend??..all rolled into one..really, i’ve been there once too often and done that once too many already..

Anyway, this very analytical Virgo (I Analyse, ruled by Mercury…Communication..hello people…get it!!) was telling this very tentative Aquarius (I Know, ruled by Uranus.Innovation..huh…???!!) please…express yourself, we don’t want to be  cringing wall flowers, waiting painfully for things to unfold or we??  If it is good, it is good, if it is not, well…at least we are at the end of the rope and there is no where else to go but up?  Right?  Let the process begin sooner than later!  Most annoyingly for us, in our midst,  know it all Pisces (I Believe, ruled by Neptune..Compassion..really…..what a revelation…)..true to her nature, she insisted that our plan was too dumb….if nothing has moved forward, forget it…the bloke is not interested or.. not ready asking..well..well you are just going to frighten him off sooner!  We decided to poll the audience; the waiter, he was shocked and he did say, yes, he would be heading off in the opposite direction if he were ever asked such…  Oh?

Finally, Aquarius decision was to make it very relaxed, yet, indicating her”i like you…i enjoy your company” and if there is no reply to that, she’d be biting dust..well at least…Virgo agreed totally, Pisces, not happy with the plan.

In my opinion, as i told to Aquarius…if he were a gracious man, he would let you down easy..if he is not, then, no loss at all is there?  Absolutely nothing to wring your hands over then..and it is good to have a finale, hit the last nail into the coffin…at least be sure, be very sure you’ve done what you could to seize whatever..

For me, two incidents from the past sprang immediately to mind..the first time…ever i fell in love….with not the right or available guy (unfortunately)..i was in love with him, he was in love with xxx, who was out of love with him..(hrmmpph like some kind of love train..). Of course i made no secret how i felt..he was so sad, coz he was so in love with some other who was falling out of love with him..(as i mentioned).  We spent several successive days together, talking, dancing…then he left for Saudi for work..frankly i never got to see him again..but  i never forgot his actions.  He was flattered, he enjoyed my company, he was honest, he was fun, i was not made to feel stupid or ugly, he was the epitome of a man full of grace.

On the other hand, at another point in time, at a later point in my life,  there was another “creep”, whom i was loosing sleep over for a long time, and as usual, being the irrepressible me, i was always like hey hey i like you..  And then, one day, i thought there was a break through..i asked for a number and was told; get it off my friends over there (coz this person had to rush off..)  At first, i could not understand the glazed over looks and the shrugging of the shoulders by the “friends”,  i thought they could not i asked again, the number??!! can i have it??  Silence!  And then, it struck..ooohhhh… foolish me, i think this is a brush off?  Very well orchestrated…but….i mean seriously..where is the class… unable to speak up, speak the gentle truth?  Simply, a not my type?  What??

My point i told my friend, no one has died for wanting to express themselves..yet..see..i’m the living proof 🙂  And, i don’t want to reach my end being some kind of a stifled prose…i want to be an unchained melody..


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