where have i been?

DSC08476I’ve been fretting, a month and nothing new written!  The thoughts are always there but writing?  For me is cathartic, what drives?  Extreme happiness, sadness, anger..nothing in-between, thank you!  I have been operating like a flat liner the past month it seems. Read recently, Eminem needs drama in his life to write songs, I can understand that.  So, that is where I am at, I am in a state of going nowhere (or is that now here?), output, zero.

I have been oscillating between working hard and goofing off, getting everything done and nothing at all.

That’s what you come to when you have ideas, try your darndest to execute them in the best way you know how in the most economically efficient and (yet, hopefully) wide-reaching, only to have them all fail on you one by one, one after another…and what can I do…la la la I guess..

So in the midst of all these sad going ons…one evening I came back a little bit earlier from work and was telling my partner, whilst in the midst of getting cleaned up for the night.  Well, today I actually do have a small bit of good news.  “..ya what?”  And before I continued, I caught sight of my one big magnified eye in my magnifying mirror and exclaimed “my eye make up sure looks nice today!!”  Then came a torrent of chiding….” aiyah, your wordpress, your facebook, your instagram, your tweeter, your make up..”..I laughed, really loud, it did sound ridiculous…but actually as I was contemplating later in the shower…Wordpress – 30 tops, facebook 5?, instagarm 3, tweet 1, all in MINUTES…so, plenty of time left over, plenty, to read, spin, laze, cook, TV and some homework if I have to or feel like it.

I need to recalibrate…I need to do something seriously tough, I am looking for a little window of time to go see my old friend in Sumatra, pack my whole kit of on my back and trot up the 3,805m Mount Kerinci, just to check if I can be physically broken.  My old friend took me up Cikuray 2,818m some years back, 1 day up and 1 day down, unrelenting elevation..I could not walk for 7 days thereafter…strangely enough, I want to feel just like that now..here I was, 1 day after Cikuray

bandung

Anyway excuse me if I seem a little schizo, that I am still able to sleep and laugh, that in itself is a miracle.

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