Ode to Mother

IMG_2231.JPGMom’s getting really old, born in the year of the Tiger (urghh, how inauspicious for a girl in dumb Chinese customs), that makes her 78 in Chinese years..(i think..you are 1 on the day you are born..). With that comes many a trip to the hospitals etc etc, that means I get to ferry her here there everywhere on a more frequent basis.  Yes, true, she can grab a cab, hop on a bus (as if..), stroll onto the MRT but she is not only old, also very overweight and really, I don’t think it is nice for old folks to make their own sad way to the doctors…,so, I take it on myself to accompany her even if the work is overflowing (which it always is but never mind, I can always get it done, just forgo some sleep, not a big deal..), get to spend a bit more time with her and hopefully not live with any regrets…(not just in this matter but in every matter in my life, say what i feel, do what i want as long as it hurts no one). Earlier this week, I picked her up after her biopsy (her 2nd, following last year’s), she was walking soooo slow, i laughed (in a good way), like she must have laughed at me when i tried to walk on my short pudgy legs..ha ha ..my just revenge 🙂  In fact, of late, i noticed that whenever she walks, she has this grave concentration with lips all pursed grimly as she steps forward (guess she is putting in all the effort to avoid a misstep!)  Like me, i suppose when i got off my crawl to attempt my first few steps? And because her biopsy was done on her breast,  i was just thinking just these couple of days ago, my mum was one of those with a ” Monroe-ques’ ” type of body, she said she was like 36-23-36 when Dad was courting her..i believe..her photos proof it (oh..you are asking if i somehow inherited those genes? err..no..sorry..did not..sad to disappoint..i do wonder at times..where did those genes go to??!!..oh what ev!).  I do remember as a quiet, shy, lack-lustre kind of hairless toddler , so afraid to even say boo to the goose or pat to the butter, I’d follow mom EVERYWHERE, into the shower..when she is changing..and i’d just sit and stare at those luscious and voluminous breasts of hers (apparently these days there are so many names for it..bewbs?!)..so high and proud (oh btw i was weaned off early coz i just sucked her dry, greedy and hungry all the time – she told me and they had to spent the little they had to get me baby formulas, poor as they were already!) and i am thinking maybe someday soon, if something happens i might have to bathe her as she did me when i was young..what then?  I will have to lay my eyes on that once fascinating body and i will be reminded of my own mortality and my own passage of time..parts of me, whether i like it or not are changing or will be changing, weaker, droopier maybe??  Slagging muscles, ravage of time worsen by gravity? With all these thoughts swirling in my mind i was speaking to 2 friends…one of them totally agreed with me, inevitable and not welcomed are these physical changes we have to deal with, me…i’ve been physically active all my life, resistance training being my primary activity..that is all about symmetry, balance and beauty of the human body, re-shape the parts you don’t like, add bulk to the parts you need…all these changes at hand and to come, very hard to reconcile…the other told us to shut up, if we both must, please call each other on the quiet and lament in secrecy…not in front of her.  See, we all have different ways of dealing with the yet to come..some of us talk..some of us ignore.. Well, whatever it is i have never heard Mom lamenting, wishing for days past, wishing for better things, wanting more than what she has now..so i guess, it is not going to be so bad after all?

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