and now?

IMG_0320so earlier this year in Milan, should have been happier but i was not and i am not in a good place right now.  somehow it is hard to reconcile how a partner and so called friend can  do a 360 and think only of themselves.  so what is a “partner”?, exactly that, part of?  but i have not been feeling that for the last decade which is fine really, until you realise how very little and unimportant you are to them, how little you count and how little they think of your livelihood, survival and well being when you have always put their interest above your own. the revelation is astonishing to me, try hard as i might, i still keep looking for that silver lining…sucker?  yes, definitely

things i have done?  no, i don’t regret, all the best i can afford to do and to the best of my ability but as in all things, all good and bad must come to an end.  for the sake of fairness and self preservation, i have to make tough decisions….things i should not have to do or face because, frankly, what did i do wrong?

so why must i stay awake pondering on?

packing in the #grey goose, it is a wonder..

i have a lot of demons to grapple with at the moment, wondering what everyone wants of me? thinks of me?  must be like a fool to many…i hope they all enjoy it while i think of the day when the ‘fool’ in me leaves and all is good again


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