that i don’t have



someone whom i barely knew, but, have met a few times decided to end his life

he spent his last hours the night before talking to his favourite daughter

in the morning he was found dead…cyanide?  i was thinking

mired in debts and with unsavoury dealings with high powered people who no longer can protect him, decided that was the best way to go to protect his family and leave behind some sort or material comfort for them

my first thought, following the shock was how incredibly brave, takes a lot to end your own life! what was going through his head, talking to his favourite person, knowing that it is all going to end right after?

someone, whom i know very well, i posed this question, you’ve been through 2 big trials and tribulations..has the thought of ending your own life never crossed your mind?  without missing a pause, she replied, never, there were never worth that much

me?  i like being the extremist but in this case, i’m neither brave nor so full of myself..yes, the thought of going to sleep forever and shelving all the problems once and for all is very seductive, but, the thought of bringing that about sets me fretting…i don’t have a high tolerant for pain, i just don’t have the guts, plain and simple



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